TODAY HAS BEEN one of those “mixed bag” travellers’ days — excuse my use of the vernacular — that variously thrills, frustrates and fucks one off beyond all measure; a very satisfactory excursion to St Monans this morning was followed by a frustrating little episode in Edinburgh, but these pale in comparison to a spectacular own goal booted by travel booking website Agoda, which can look forward to a report to the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission for its trouble.

As the song says…what a difference a day makes…

Readers will recall that I stopped in the tiny hamlet of Kilconquhar, in Fife, last night; it was more or less the last stop on the road, with tonight being spent in Edinburgh ahead of handing back my car and flying down to London tomorrow afternoon; there was a “job” to do — as much to slake my curiosity as that of a friend of mine in the States — and so, after an earlier-than-industry-standard 10am checkout, I drove the 2.5 miles from Kilconquhar to St Monans (also known as “St Monance”).

I’m sure people can spot the differences…a dead low tide (so low the rivulets on the floor of the empty harbour (see below) were still draining to sea, as a swell of water was beginning to push into the harbour from the sea) makes a lot of difference to a landscape shot like this one; the weather was lovely in Fife this morning, which also migitated against getting a killer replica of the image my friend and I had seen before I left Melbourne for the UK.

I’m in no way disappointed, though; it was a lovely little town, and I enjoyed a coffee in the cafe (the blue building at the left-hand side of the top picture). Some places have many faces, and this is one of them.

Edinburgh was, in fact, a mere 49-mile drive from St Monans, and for once Uncle Google’s assessment that it would take one hour and 18 minutes was very near the mark; in truth, I stopped a few times to stretch it out, given I couldn’t check into my accommodation until 3pm, and in any event still arrived two hours prior to that despite my best efforts.

It wouldn’t have mattered.

I’m staying in the Broughton Street Lofts, leased by Destiny Scotland (and if you come to Edinburgh, you should stay here too); it’s a wonderful property — could I live in it perchance? — but seriously, it’s central, smack-bang in the middle of a very reasonable food precinct, and with shopping and public transport options well within walking distance.

The leasing company made me aware at the time of booking of parking at £17 per day “nearby;” it turns out there is a small carpark behind the apartment building, as I discovered on a call to them to check a different detail. Was there vacancy in it? There was! That will be an extra £15 for the night, thank you…which I grimaced a bit at paying (I’d paid for the apartment…shouldn’t parking be included?) But having paid £13.20 to park in an adjacent street for three hours, the £15 overnight rate was a bargain…

…until an email pinged on my phone an hour or so later to say we’re sorry, but our car park is full (WTF? Shouldn’t there be one space for each of the six apartments? Which, as it turns out, there is). But don’t worry — we’ve refunded your credit card (you’d sure as shit better have) and we recommend a car park near Edinburgh Waverley train station, where you will get 20% off all parking by showing any correspondence relating to a booking with us.

Oh, good…

…until I spent some of my three hours’ paid kerbside parking walking to Edinburgh Waverley Station (about a mile and a half, mostly up a fairly steep hill) and realised that tomorrow morning — with a 70lb suitcase, laptop bag and backpack, I’m going to be an irretrievably sweaty, stinky mess by the time I get my hire car out of there…for £19 after the discount.

I’m not going to not recommend the property; but I simply say to people that if you come here, book parking at the time you book accommodation and if the Destiny Scotland website doesn’t let you do it, ring them, and don’t stay here if you have a car unless you have a parking confirmation when you book the apartment.

It’s as simple as that. And if they give you jib…tell them where to insert it, and book something else.

I had a nice dinner at The Broughton, and it was sensational (albeit with small portions, as I’ve come to expect in Britain); but that’s all I have had time for. So much for time in Edinburgh, and no small thanks to Destiny Scotland buggerising around with its parking policies (both onsite and a ridiculous distance away).

But all of this pales in comparison to the accommodation I had booked near London Heathrow for tomorrow night and the night thereafter.

If my time in Edinburgh was already cruelled by Destiny Scotland, it was fucked over completely by an inadvertent discovery.

When I started booking this trip — desperate for a holiday after 14 years without one, desperate to be back in Britain, and desperate for the benefits some “own time head time” a decent break might yield, I wasn’t so concerned about the final act; if I’m going home anyway, who cares? So I booked a night at a hotel on a freeway close to Heathrow, in which I would likely stay awake all night and get cleaned up at 4am, ready to be at check-in at 6am for my 9am flight.

My airline — Etihad (with which I am extremely satisfied in every respect except this one) saw fit to defer the flight by 24 hours: so I booked a second night at the same hotel.

Through Agoda.

But the Novotel London Heathrow Airport is CLOSED: until 2023, I was told this afternoon, when I called the hotel to enquire about the shuttle bus running between it and the airport (and thus the London Underground train station in its basement).

There is no booking, the Novotel told me.

I have confirmation of two nights’ stay from Agoda.

Agoda charged me £200 for the two nights, and debited the money.

But the hotel is closed.

The Novotel says it advised accommodation aggregators it wasn’t accepting bookings and couldn’t honour those taken, but I was never refunded.

Agoda — which I have satisfactorily used to book shit previously — has neither a phone number nor email address to contact: its clear intention is to behave as a law unto itself.

It isn’t hard to see where this is going; when I return to Australia, either my travel insurance company will extract the money from Agoda, or the relevant government agency will be sooled onto Agoda for an unbelievably flagrant breach of Australian consumer laws, given the sale was made in Australia.

It cost me $600 to replace the two nights’ accommodation: I was lucky, given the people pouring into England (many with no good reason whatsoever) on account of the death of Queen Elizabeth last week.

I’m going to hit the travel insurance company up for the $600, too.

But there IS a silver lining, despite the unwanted expense; the replacement hotel is in Chiswick (a favourite London suburb) and unless my flight is delayed by more than two hours, it opens up tomorrow night to do something.

In short, the dinner at Roast my illness shortchanged me out of three weeks ago.

And it gifts me Friday in London (although the original hotel booking did that too): still, I can go and get stuff relating to Big Ben and the Tower Bridge that my nine-year-old son wants, and a silly hat with the Union Jack on it for my daughter: the rest of the stuff they wanted, when I asked what they would like from the UK, is already safely in my suitcase (or waiting for me at home, thanks to the Royal Mail).

What a difference a day makes 🙂